Crypt Shyfter Perfection
A short story by Travener
[[Start]]Barbarian looked at the golden goblet in his hands and felt concerned.
He walked over to the window and reflected on his ancient surroundings. He had always hated the musty tower with its cracked walls. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel concerned.
Then he saw something in the distance, or rather //someone//. It was the figure of a ranger. This particular ranger was a ruthless coward with strong legs and hairy abs.
[[OK]]Barbarian gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a hilariously deranged beer drinker with sexy legs and buff abs. His friends saw him as a large, lovely lion. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a barbecued chicken.
But not even a hilarious person who had once jumped into a river and saved a barbecued chicken was prepared for what the ranger had in store today.
[[OK|1]]The snow flurried like rampaging wolves, making Barbarian sad.
As Barbarian stepped outside and the ranger came closer, he could see the hot glint in his eye.
"I am here because I want pizza," the Ranger bellowed. He slammed his fist against Barbarian's chest, with the force of 1,618 spiders. "I frigging love you, Barbarian."
[[OK|2]]Barbarian looked back, even more sad and still fingering the golden goblet. "Ranger, let's kill the Shyfter," he replied.
They looked at each other with looks of determination, like two snarling tigers fighting over a scrap of meat while tribal drums played in the background.
Suddenly, the Ranger transformed into a silver leopard and lunged forward. He tried to punch Barbarian in the face. Quickly, Barbarian grabbed the golden goblet and brought it down on the Ranger's skull.
[[OK|4]]The Ranger's strong legs trembled and his hairy abs wobbled. He looked like a bloody, blue banana.
Then he let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Ranger was dead.
Barbarian went back inside and made himself a nice drink of beer.