''Crypt Shyfter: Guardians by LaoKool''
The Paladins aren’t the only ones who keep watch over the wild frontier. Deep in the heart of the desert there is a clan of wildmen who protect the innocent and defend the weak.
Some think they’re savages.
This suits them just fine.
They prefer to keep to themselves. Besides, if they’re viewed as primitives, evildoers will never suspect their true purpose: they are Guardians.
[[Go]]This simple tale concerns the Guardians and their battle against a train. That may sound silly, but let me explain: the train was actually a Shyfter. Here’s how it all went down...
You’re probably familiar with legends of great train robberies, right? This story begins in a similar fashion.
[[Go|2]]The local Paladin walked down the dusty roads to Tombstone, twirling his guns and winking at all the girls. Windows were shuttered as he passed by. The people of Tombstone feared him. He often made great displays of his power, usually to intimidate the weak and taunt the downtrodden. It was an open secret that he was an Oathbreaker, but who was stupid enough to stand up to him?
[[Go|3]]This particular Oathbreaking Paladin was also the leader of a notorious gang called the Rabblerousers. They were given free reign of the town, and could often be found shaking down some innocent shopkeeper for money or extorting a low-level politician. The Paladin always made sure to look the other way- for a cut of the money.
[[Go|4]]On this particular day, the Paladin was in particularly good spirits. He happened to know that a train was about to be robbed, and since he’d helped facilitate the escape effort he was going to be paid 10% of the loot. As this train was scheduled to be delivering gold bars to a nearby bank, his portion was expected to be substantial.
[[Go|5]]But even good plans can go bad, and such was the case in this scenario. An explosion rocked the streets, sending the Paladin stumbling into the dirt. He looked up to see the bank and several surrounding building ablaze.
“What in tarnation!?” he snarled. Picking up his guns, he ran towards the raging fire. Townspeople screamed and fled in the opposite direction. Several soot-covered men came stumbling out of the bank carrying torn sacks of money. Paper bills floated around in the wind like snow.
[[Go|6]]“What have you done?” demanded the Paladin. “This wasn’t a bank job, it was a train job! You weren’t supposed to blow up the bank, you were supposed to steal the money off the train!”
One of the soot-covered men threw his hat down in the dirt. “This was all Gert’s fault! He wanted to snoop around the bank, but he had dynamite in his pocket! The dern thing went and blew up while we was in there! The job’s ruined!”
[[Go|7]]The sound of a train whistle echoed through the air. The Paladin turned red.
“That train is leaving the station now, and it’s filled with gold. Get yer keisters over to that station and finish the job!”
The bandits grumbled, but ran after the train anyway. As the train rolled out of the station, something strange began to happen. The train transformed into a giant dragon! The dragon turned on the bandits who were attempting to break inside and incinerated them with its flame breath. The bandits sizzled and cooked as the dragon took to the skies. The angry Paladin spat curses after the giant dragon, but it was no use. The train… I mean the Shyfter… got away.
[[Go|8]]As it soared over the desert, it was suddenly caught by a mysterious, powerful source of energy. The Shyfter looked down at the cracked hardpan and saw 100 barbarians holding a gigantic magnet! They were using it to pull the Shyfter out of the sky!
The Shyfter screamed in terror and activated its jet pack wings, but it was too late. The magnet yanked the Shyfter down into the desert and a moment later the barbarians swarmed over the creature, ripping it apart piece by piece.
[[Go|9]]With the Shyfter dismantled, the barbarians were able to secure the stolen gold and return it to the bank. When the Paladin appeared to thank them, they punched him in the nose and pantsed him in front of the whole town. He was so embarrassed that he threw down his guns and fled into the desert, never to be heard from again.
And that’s the story of how the Guardians saved Christmas.